Something's gotta give.

It's 2:00 in the morning and I'm sitting here, dressed, in the dressing room, taking in the odd silence that has fallen upon the room. 

Well, as quiet as a strip club dressing room can be. 

You can always tell it's been a bad night all around when it's quiet after the club has closed. No one is even complaining about someone taking their dick out or stiffing them on a $20 lapdance. There is literally just this sadness that can be felt as soon as you walk in. 

It's a common misconception that strippers make a lot of money. Sure, we make more than most (on average) per night, but the average dancer isn't exactly banking every night. And even though our "bad night" would be someone else's dream, it doesn't feel enough to justify being harassed and objectified in our thongs for 5 hours. We have nights, like this Saturday night, where girls are literally so burnt out from having a bad week that we can't even talk to each other. 

I came in tonight determined to do better than I have the past few nights, only to be turned down by everyone except for 3 guys, and one of them only danced with me because another dancer asked to do a double dance with me. I feel so fed up and have such little patience for this fucking job that I already warned my SO to prepare for me to come home and cry. 

Shout out to the SO's of dancers who have been there to see her literally beaming and flying high from happiness after a blowout night to breaking down in tears after multiple shitty shifts in a row. 

He will wake up, put a hand on my shoulder and just let me bawl my eyes out from frustration and anxiety. This is where his blunted emotions come into play perfectly because he literally couldn't understand so there's nothing to say. 

I know these periods pass, and I know it's not just me. Then I'll have an easy night where everyone loves me and pays me without hassle and I sleep easy. 

Until then, I have to try my best to keep it together (after a good cry, that is). I start my nursing job in less than two weeks but it isn't seeming to come fast enough. 

I guess I just thought this would be over by now. I graduated in June but it's December and I'm fucking still trapped as a stripper and I hate it. 

Ugh.

I just got a text that there's a glass of wine waiting for me so I guess I better get to that.